Its hard for me to think of God as father when everywhere I go there are men staring at me. Men trying to talk to me and making me feel like a sculpture that they can just gaze at and not have a single question of the fact that I have emotions as well. That I am not a sculpture created just for then to stareat and touch as they wish. That I am a human being as well. Someone who today was simply trying to go to the grocery store when you yelled at me and made me feel unsafe. A human just waiting for the bus when you stared at me for 2 minutes straight as a red light and made me feel uncomfortable and like you were studying me without my consent. Just walking to go buy paints when you followed me for a block saying different things I did not understand in spanish. When I think of God as father I often think of these men. I think of how rare it is for me to not be extremely aware and fearful of being sexualized by a man. How infrequent it is for me to feel truly and utterly safe with a man, safe in being a women, safe in being gay, safe in all the parts of me that can feel sexualized or feel patronized, that they will not take it the wrong way but instead will care for and see me as a woman created in the image of our same creator.
This is why it has been so healing to think of God as mother. To think of the person who crawls into my bed when they hear me crying, who is not afraid to tell me when I am wrong or when I need to apologize yet always does so out of love. The person who stands up for me, who protects me from things I am not ready for yet, and who helps build me up to be strong with the things they know I can do. The person who loves, loves and loves some more. Not the person who sexualizes, stares, and objectifies.
Just Trying to Figure Things Out 